Carrie Bradshaw was 32

the best we can do is breath and reboot

As I write this I feel a bit of anxiety rush to my head, the overwhelming concept of age. The thought that numbers are meaningless until you put them together, how 2 and 4 mean nothing, put them together and you have someone like me; a 24 year old girl that was 16 just yesterday. It is a strange concept though, as I turn a year older I dread it a little more yet I look back at my younger years and never wish to return. But since aging is inevitable, I will try my hardest to enjoy where I am right now.

I recently turned 24, this was the first year where I felt disconnected with my age, it’s like the Fig tree analogy by Sylvia Path in The Bell Jar. You can be anything you want but not everything. Don’t get me wrong, I love the route I took in life, it has it’s ups and downs of course, yet I wake up every morning and think this is my life, I get to be this character. I always question though, how can I live my fullest life at this age? And although there is no real answer, these are just the thoughts that go through my mind as an anxious adult. There are a lot of what ifs.

When I would express my fear of aging to others they would scoff and say “you are so young though” and I know that in an average lifespan, yes, I am young. I think it’s just the thought of aging that scares me, because it is happening to all of us. Maybe it’s because my frontal lobe is almost fully developed or because each year social media keeps on subtracting a year for what is considered “young”.

I think age is a concept we use to hold us back. Which is why so many people fear the thought of getting older. In reality, we need to let it invorgorate us, using the years we have behind us fuel the future. I can start over at any age, I can press the reset button at age 28 or 52 or 76, I can walk out of my job tomorrow and buy a one way plane ticket to the Mykonos and work as a barista. Society seems to lean on structure as a sense of comfortability (guilty) and we forget about freewill. For instance, I always go on a walk during my lunch to the WSH as a reset, the other day I thought “I could jump in the river right now if I wanted to”, I didn’t, but I could. I have those thoughts a lot. Not saying everyone should go jump in the Hudson river, but I am saying don’t be closed minded to new opportunities that could change your life overnight.

At 24, I want to be a bit more like Carrie Bradshaw, writing and smoking cigs in her apartment, skipping around the city in the manolos she can’t afford, and dating men as research. And then at 25, I can be someone else, because there are no rules!!! none!! With all the being said, I am going to enjoy my youth today and everyday, and go against the rules of what we should be doing. Do whatever the fuck you want.